And here we thought Ochocinco was pushing it.

Man changes name to Captain Awesome to build character.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=%2Fn%2Fa%2F2010%2F12%2F06%2Fnational%2Fa111732S88.DTL

Though his bank wouldn't accept this as a signature because it's too easy to forge:
--> :) <--

The Boomcase' child!

If you thought the boomcase was cool then you're in for a treat. Unless you're living in  East Berlin in the 60's, it's not every day that you get to sit in/on a suitcase. A South African brand is making headlines with this furniture.     http://www.recreate.za.net/

Daily Dose of Nostalgia

http://things90skidsrealize.com/

Among the gems...

It's officially not your fault you're easy!

It seems so obvious now that you mention it. We always knew there had to be some connection: Thrill-seeking? Horror moving loving? Gambling addicted? Democrat?

If you weren't already blaming your mother for all your social and emotional issues, you can finally start with good reason.

http://gawker.com/5704020/do-you-have-the-slutty-gene

Thanks, science.

God I fuckin' love the 21st century!

Foki vacuum footwear concept lets you walk in Roomba's shoes

This is the greatest invention ever. Technology has been killing it lately! Picture this scene: You make a nice sandwich. You toast the bread, add the salami, melt the cheese, lettuce/tomato... the whole nine yards. Then, you turn on the tube, and the Rangers are playing the Islanders, and it's about to be a shootout. The Rangers finish off with the win, and you get so excited that the crumbs, and everything from your sandwich spill all over the floor. Not to worry. With the Foki Vacuum slippers, you can continue celebrating the win by moonwalking (or crip walking) that shit up!

http://www.engadget.com/2010/11/30/foki-vacuum-footwear-concept-lets-you-walk-in-roombas-shoes/

Genius or retard? You be the judge.

"Each and every feature in the Jones residence reflects another element of his diverse personality and unique taste. Along with his serious business persona, Scott is very much a playful character. And, except for the sword with the bathroom tissue, no singular feature in his home better represents the playful side of Scott than the spiral slide, which transports adventuresome souls from the main level to the lower level in an instant."

You gotta give it to this numb nut... he has a pretty fuckin' cool pad. But news flash buddy: It's only cool to want to be like Richie Rich, building slides and making velcro sticky walls, when you're 8. I personally think this guy is a creep. I mean grow up! The only person that was allowed to have anything outrageously fun in his house was Michael Jackson, and we all know he wasn't in it for "unique taste" or for being a "playful character." The guy sounds more like a serial killer than a serial entrepreneur. I mean what's up with the sword in the bathroom? Your cover is blown, Scotty boy!

http://www.scottajones.com/index.php?q=circular_slide

LEGO City Advent Calendar Naked Santa

Just one of the gems lurking in the LEGO City Advent Calendar set for this year...

"I know that 'The Night Before Christmas' didn't have a shower scene when I was a kid, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't now..." -Consumerist reader

"In Santa's defense, it appears that he isn't actually completely naked and is wearing a black thong. Which might actually be worse." -Consumerist writer

http://consumerist.com/2010/11/the-lego-advent-calendar----now-with-naked-showering-santa.html

These actually exist.

Now you can go farming in stilettos!



Get yours at the low, low starting price of $330 at http://www.newhighmart.com/shop/item/938/Grey-Ant-x-Teva-Stiletto/, where they are noted for having been "seen in Daily Candy," the only site that was confused enough to give a positive review. You should probably sell your hair or something to get your hands on these.

Whose got the biggest nose!?!?

Swedish hip hop band Snook is making some global success, and their music is the absolute shit. Oddly enough their name Snook actually came from a dispute between the two about who had the biggest nose. A slang word for nose in Swedish is “Snok.”

Check 'em.

Theophilus London is so hot right now... but so is Hansel.

Theo is on the rise! And no, we aren't talking about the Huckstubble residence. We are talking about Theophilus London. He came into the rap scene in 2009, and he is kicking some serious ass. Get with it.

http://www.greenlabelsound.com/artists/theophilus_london/?id=128&type=0

Throw your briefcase on your shoulder

These self powered boom boxes last for up to 8 hours of charge..  Get all corporate on everyones ass and check out these custom made boom boxes.  GO HERE http://theboomcase.wordpress.com/

Four Loko Challenge

Also, happening right now: http://www.ustream.tv/crunchgear#utm_campaigne=synclickback&source=http://www.crunchgear.com/2010/11/19/its-on-10am-is-four-loko-time/&medium=177851

No need to fret; today's horoscope looks sunny.

Courage Wolf will get us through the rest of our days, no matter how dark and bleak they may be.

A personal favorite? "'This isn't an assignment you can do the night before.' Challenge accepted."

Check out the rest and the best of Courage Wolf at http://fuckyeahcouragewolf.tumblr.com/.

Journalistic rigor gets to bottom of Four Loko (literally).

Grab whatever friends are awake tomorrow at 10 am and tune in for this monumental event. This, my friends, is testament to the level of scientific study we must apply to our beverage witch hunts in the future if we are to call ourselves responsible individuals.

http://www.crunchgear.com/2010/11/18/in-24-hours-i-will-drink-a-full-can-of-four-loko-live-on-camera/

I voted both, fyi.

Let's Expand our Auto Weltanschaunng.

We all remember our first car. She was beautiful, a 1985 Ford Tarus Wagon GL. Everything was Ruby Red. Seats, carpet, seat belts, steering wheel, dashboard, all the same awe inspiring color. David Hasselhoff in Night Rider could have only dreamed of such a beauty. The boys from the Dukes of Hazard may have kept a lower, yet still stylish, profile with such a unique whip.

Fast forward. It's the 2000's people. Meet the newest Asian Craze of Vanning. It's like Sailor Moon and Xzibit teamed up to pimp a ride. But not just any ride. Vans. And this ain't your mama's minivan even. It's a fusion of artistic style and passion with a blatant disregard for aerodynamics. Not even GMC Van Man and NBA All-Star Kevin Durant can sport a van this sick.

Check out all the dope whips over at Speed Hunters.

British game is great fun for all.

Food for thought: Where can you fit a horizontal human body? The Lying Down game is a jolly good time.

http://weburbanist.com/2010/11/10/parkour-for-lazies-the-bizarre-british-lying-down-game/

Girl Talk album drops.

Sorry, we held out on y'all. New Girl Talk album, kids.

http://www.illegal-art.net/allday/

It's almost as rare as Halley's Comet.

Please sit, breaking news is upon us. The McRib has returned. Now, while it may not be as stellar as the only short-period comet that is visible to the naked eye, this return might be just as illustrious.

Originally released in 1985, it was middling just about everywhere but the Midwest. However, a 1994 comeback was brought about in conjunction with family classic, The Flintstones. Returning again in '05, 07' and 08', the McRib is better than Favre, Jordan, and Armstrong combined at coming out of retirement. And this time, it's big.

The McRib is going far beyond its boundaries. It's not just coming back to where it tests well. We're talking about an epic 6-week, every store, nation wide return. Let's party like it's 1985.

We here at Front Row Mafia are about a refined lack of taste. However, exceptions can be made for the McRib, which has a taste so refined even the most experienced palate has trouble putting it into words.

Step down, Double Down. The McRib is back.

Thinking about sorting through the fam's boxes of photos?

Think again.

On the off chance you may come across even one gem like these, you're better off not chancing it.

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/category/photos/awkward-hall-of-fame/

Movember

Ladies and gentleman, fall has snuck up on us once again.  For those of you that are not aware, November is officially mustache month in recognition of prostate cancer... hence the name Movember. You can get involved here. http://us.movember.com/

However if you don't have the balls or the hormones to grow a mustache, there is still hope!  Get your steeze on with this head gear. Be the first to rep it.

http://www.beardhead.com/

 

These puppies will make you the coolest cat on the block!

Tree huggers 1 --- Rayban's 0 

Shwood, a Washington based company, created excellently handcrafted wood sunglasses. Not only are their shapes the absolute shit, but I can assure you that you will be the most unique person in the room. They offer different types of wood including, east indian rosewood, maple, and zebrawood that all add different accent colors to your shades.  Personally, I don't give a fuck where the wood comes from as long as they look good... which they do. 

For about $100 bucks you can become one with nature and officially go green. www.shwoodshop.com

All the Shit That's Not Fit to Print

Welcome to the wonderful world of Front Row Mafia. You may know our sister site, BACK ROW MAFIA. We're a little different, she and I. She's all about good taste.

We're about no taste.

Let the wild rumpus start...